laziness doesn’t really exist

Why are people lazy? Actually, let me rephrase that. Why do people give up on their goals and settle for the minimum? “Lazy” is a term we hear over and over again, but what human genuinely desires to put in the least amount of effort? Theoretically, if we care, we will put in the effort.

That theory doesn’t always hold up though. There are plenty of situations where we do care and technically have the time but we still take the ‘lazy’ option. It’s terrifying to think about how often we become okay with the minimum. And we are okay with this minimum because it’s exhausting to go above and beyond.

This is a bit of a radical position, but I’m here to defend it: few to no people are actually lazy.

The main distinction between those who are determined and work hard versus those who slack off is that those who work hard have figured out how to handle their own emotions. Everyone has things they have to do that they don’t want to, and we also all have things that we care about. “Lazy” people, of course, have things they care about. It’s rarely a lack of desire and more of a lack of self-trust. To put yourself out there takes courage. It takes drive, and it’s risky. Doing the minimum feels safer.

Self-discipline and self-trust are emotional skills, and they take time to build up. One builds up self-discipline by doing things. Doing things takes commitment and being okay with failure. Self-trust is the same, it takes commitment to yourself and again, being okay with failure.

Whatever we do or don’t do is a result of how we feel. Sure, rationality is an important mediating factor, but we will find a way to justify our actions in some manner, no matter what route we take. Even if you are trying to go after the most ‘rational’ answer, you are beginning the search with an emotional basis and social context. We should research what we can, make sure we have the full picture of the situation, etc., but our emotions aren’t something to fear. Having emotions is what gives us the drive and purpose in our lives in the first place.

When it comes to laziness then, “Oh, go pull yourself together”, isn’t going to be useful advice for most people. Learning to trust yourself and follow through on the promises you make to yourself is a pretty massive undertaking. It requires confidence and acceptance of risk. It’s a big deal, especially for those who don’t have the highest self-esteem to begin with.

If you have difficulty being self-motivated and getting things done then, try to look within yourself. Forgive yourself. Be patient with yourself. Start with little things, and build up your own trust in yourself. Change is difficult but worth it.

 

Photo creds: Enya Callibuso

delays and de-lazy

I apologize for the delay in posts, I had a draft that I forgot to publish two days ago. That in and of itself is a bit symbolic for how my head has been. I’m lucky enough to be so supported by a good circle of family and friends, but my mind has been struggling to focus. The issue is that I have a significant amount of work that I need to do.

So here is my advice on the topic: get back up. Even if you’re late responding to an email, respond. Even if you’re late to class, still show up. If you made mistakes, if you couldn’t get the things done you wanted to, jump back in. Do what you can.

“Do what you can”, is incredibly vague. I realize that. Some things we can physically do, but we really shouldn’t or we’ll screw ourselves over in the future. In the most technical semantic sense, you probably could kill someone (it’s what you can do), but that doesn’t mean you should.

When I mutter to myself, “Do what you can”, I’m referring to those specific tasks on my to-do list. Aim for accomplishing as much as the list as possible, and by the end of the day, try to be okay with the fact you only were able to accomplish half.

Some days we are more productive than others. I’m beginning to learn this, although the trick is learning how to be consistently on top of your productivity game.

Some of those tricks include sleeping well, eating well, and staying consistent with your schedule. You can live a fun, novel, and flexible life while still going to bed at 11pm and waking up at 7am. You can enjoy the deliciousness of a good meal while remaining relatively healthy.

Structure isn’t the enemy. When it comes to being free to live your life, there is a certain level of limitation that actually serves us. Limiting our intake of alcohol, decadent food, media, etc., are all ways that improve our ability to be happy and available to do many things.

The issue with structure is that it’s sometimes difficult to implement in our own lives. Sleeping in feels great, even if it ruins the rest of your day.

Furthermore, there are some mistakes we can’t avoid making. Sometimes you forget to publish your post, for example, and there comes a shame because you failed yourself. We wake up late. We miss important emails. The random errors of life will always complicate things.

But so what if it’s difficult? Everything is difficult. The choice is what kind of problems we face for the outcome we want. Again, if you miss the email, respond anyways. If you make a mistake, try to fix it. Misery is comfortable at times, so make yourself uncomfortable.

drifting in and out of loneliness

People drift in and out of our lives. We can try to hold on to varying degrees, but sometimes people just lose touch.

We are physical beings, and proximity has far more of an impact than we realize. Radical as this may sound, that’s okay. Sometimes we need to be around particular people, they teach us lessons and hopefully, we help them, and then we part ways.

There’s that line of thought that we are the sum of the five people we are closest to. It makes sense that we want to hold onto people who, in some way, are a part of us. Yet, we change, life goes on, and so the people around us end up changing also.

One of the downsides of letting people leave and enter our lives is that if a rough time hits us in a moment of transition, we can feel alone.

You are not. You’re just stuck in a mindset where it’s easy to feel like there’s no one out there who can understand. But if millions of people feel like no one understands, the likelihood is that, yes, someone does, you just haven’t run into them yet, and the good news is that there is so many of us on the planet we’re overwhelming the planet.

Things change, for better sometimes, for worse others, but far more often than both of those is change itself. If we stop expecting our ideas of situations to fall out exactly into predetermined categories, we may be able to enjoy them more.

If you think a situation will be absolutely terrible, of course, it will be. If you think a situation will be fun, it probably will be. Our mindset works like a self-fulfilling prophecy at times, and sometimes even happy expectations can let us down.

As to say, things may or may not turn out like we expect, so try not to expect too much. Be prepared, but be open. Let people go, let things go, and let them in so we can appreciate every moment we have to the fullest.

the most brilliant of plans

I had this brilliant plan to wake up at 6 am and go to the gym. It didn’t work out. The reason it didn’t work out is because I was really tired and my sleep has been shallow and problematic of late. As I see it, there are three primary responses I could have here. 1. Say it isn’t a big deal, people break their gym goals all the time. 2. Say it is a big deal and chide myself for being so lazy, I should have pushed through. Or 3. Say I want to be better and next time actually be better.

Out of all of these, I’d say the was last one is the most healthy response. Why? Because I can think whatever I want. Thinking matters only so much as my actions here. Whether I chide myself or excuse my actions, the fact is that I didn’t carry out the promise I had to myself. It doesn’t matter if my reasons are truly justified, I have to deal with the fact that I did what I did.

We tend to get caught up in our heads. There’s worlds you could build inside there and never come out of. However, we live in This world, as messed up as it is. It’s not very fun. For most people, we spend the majority of our days doing something boring that we have no interest in. By the time we get home, there seems to be nothing else to do but watch TV or sleep. That doesn’t feel very much like living.

Most times, however, we can try to find our best self even in our worst life. We have plenty of dreams, but what are we doing to actually achieve them? Maybe its a pipe dream to show up on Ellen, but if you want to make an impact big enough that talk shows would show you off, you can’t do that by making excuses. For better or worse, whoever we are today is who we are. Parts of us can improve, but the “us” in the equation never goes away. Don’t try to be something you’re not, make yourself do something you want.